So this BLISS thing is alternately totally liberating and also kicking my ass.
How can BLISS be such an ass kicker you wonder?
Whenever I teach a class, especially a new one, as I work on the material, I have to go through my own process about it. For better or worse, I am one of those teachers who embody their teachings.
Live it, walk it, breathe it.
Roll around in it.
Marinate in it.
This is just my way of teaching and it makes me a good teacher and also propels me along my own spiritual path regardless of what my ego (who only wants a nice comfy life. Wah.) says about it.
The class, the writing, the content is coming along nicely and I am getting excited about it. And I have been clearing blocks like mad,which sounds nice but isn’t always so fun in the process. This is mostly letting go of old beliefs and wounds about being happy that I didn’t even know that I had.
I have been unwrapping a lot of old programing about working and my good old New England work ethic, which I got from my upbringing.
Apparently good people die in the saddle through overworking. Work is good and play is the devil. Doing things for yourself is selfish and that is WORST thing you can be. All this downloaded into me like a set of rules that aren’t even true.
It’s been amazing to me to feel the power of FEAR and how contracting that is. And I can feel it grip me, lock me down, whip me up into a frenzy of anxiety, and wrap me around the axle.
Whew.
Yesterday to counteract this contraction and fear, I did a very fun exercise that involved writing down everything that is NOURISHING tome.
This is my new favorite word.
NOURISHING.
Roll it around on your tongue a little bit and try it out.
To me, nourishing is about feeding myself on every level,mind, body and spirit. And feeding myself with things that are good for me,healthy AND yummy. For example birthday cake is yummy, but it’s not really nourishing. It’s not SOUL feeding.
So I wrote my list (and I recommend that you do to…) and then actually scheduled some of that into my calendar. I had to really feel into it and make sure that my inner critic didn’t have a field day with the shoulds. Some things I SHOULD do, but aren’t nourishing at all.
I should clean my house more. But is that really nourishing? Turns out, yes. It is. My core self feels better when the house is clean and tidy and uncluttered. Will I be chasing my kids around with a vac in one hand and a bottle of bleach in the other hand. No. Not nourishing.
I went through each area of my life and ran it through the Nourish O’ Meter.
And discovered that I was out of balance in some areas tha taren’t too hard to adjust. It’s a matter of tweaking and reprioritizing my time.
I need more time with my girl friends doing fun stuff.
I need more unscheduled time. This is like gold to me. So I scheduled some unscheduled time in my calendar. (Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!) And I want my unscheduled time off the grid. No phone, no computer. Unavailable to anyone.
And I need more fun, more time off the leash. So I am doing it. A little travel. A little extra pampering. No guilt allowed.
This means that I have already started saying NO to other things and other people. No is hard for me. I am a pretty softhearted person, so when someone comes to me and needs something for real, I feel it. I feel compassion for them, and because I have the soul of a healer, I want to help.
NO has become like a spiritual practice to me. If I want more time for nourishing myself, I have to say a lot of no’s. Turns out that although sometimes people have little hissy fits when you say NO, especially when they aren’t used to it, they actually respect you more in the end. (Even when they are your kids!)
How liberating.
And now I am putting this down, turning off my phone and going somewhere to do something fun where I will be temporarily unavailable to anyone but my dog.
Yippee! And by the way. BLISS.
And maybe I’ll branch out into JOY too, just for a little variety.
