It’s such a relief to not have to be perfect.
Here is something about me that you might not know. I am really not good at math and skipped math class a lot when I was a kid since I am really very dyslexic and math is hard for me. I still suck at it and often have to ask for help even with easy stuff. I used to feel really bad about it, and then one day, I said, “What the heck. I can’t be good at EVERYTHING and I can talk to dead people which is pretty cool.” Since I am pretty sure that my dyslexic brain is part of the whole psychic thing, it makes sense.
So I just shrugged and said, “Well I am good at other things.”
This is a mantra in my house now and we all say it. I also have Total Epic Parking Fail every time I try to park. I can’t back up in a straight line and my dyslexia causes a little spatial relations issue for me (not to mention that I can’t tell my right from my left). The other day, I totally blew a parking maneuver and my son waited patiently and said, “Mom, do you want me to park the car for you?”
“Harumph,” I said somehow managing to bogart three spaces with my momvan.
My son gently patted my hand and said, “Don’t worry Mom, you are good at other things.”
And he meant it, bless him. It’s a lovely relief not to have to even try to be good at everything. I can just be who I am with my brilliant, bright points and my goofy weak spots and it’s all just ok. Personally, I always think that our idiosyncrasies are what makes us all special, all sweet, vulnerable and interesting.
Here is a hint, all those people that you think have a perfect life that you wished you had, aren’t perfect either. But we are held in sway by the Universal Law of the Grass is Always Greener.
As an aspiring Spiritual Master (Ahem…) I frequently study, usually up close and all too personal, many of the Universal Laws that create the fabric of our reality. I like the concept of Universal Laws. It makes the universe sound nice and orderly. Like if someone broke a law, you could just dial 911 and call the Karma Cops.
This in fact is true, that breaking the Universal Laws will always catch up with you, and you can take that to the bank.
Some of these laws are very sexy, like the ever popular Law Of Attraction, in which all the really attractive people get to manifest their lives in all kinds of amazing ways that we avidly read about in People Magazine.
Then there is a tricky Law of Cause and Effect that seems to cause an inordinate amount of problems for almost everyone. It’s a very simple law, but one that most people foolishly refuse to believe in. Simply stated, it’s true that everything we do, think and feel has an effect. It all counts and yes, someone is watching.
In my own quirky way, I have come up with my own set of Universal Laws. Here is one that I live by- it’s the Law of the Conservation of Mood. This means that for every mood and feeling you have, you will have an equal and opposite mood soon thereafter in order to keep balance in the universe.
Of course this means that for every AWESOME and amazing day that you have where you feel invincible and on top of the world, there is an equal and opposite BAD MOOD waiting for you. I am pretty sure that Good Moods are passed out randomly to even things out. Otherwise the Universe would explode at the seams, tearing that fragile fabric of reality since there would be way too much Dark Matter in the Cranky Dimension.
Comforting, isn’t it?
Right now I am formulating another of my own Universal Laws and I am looking for a good name for it.
- Into every life a little rain must fall
- We all have an area of life that SUCKS no matter what?
- There are tough lessons out there and we all have one?
- Don’t feel bad about yourself since we are all losers too?
Maybe I need to work on the name a bit, but here is the gist of the lesson-
(Since I have been seeing clients for years, I have long noticed a pattern in people problems.)
There are three major categories that you can boil everyone’s issues into.
- Relationship issues
- Money and career issues
- Health problems
You know right away which one is yours, right?
Relationship class is a toughie. It just means that relationships are challenging and mysterious. The poor souls who have nailed Money and Health with flying colors are now getting a serious booty kicking in Relationship Class because people are so tricky. People are complex and have all these strange feelings, emotions and stuff that make no sense. Money is all about learning to let the energy flow in the right way and it’s very tidy and orderly. But people, relationships and feelings are a swampy, murky mystery.
Then there is Health Class, which is not the same health class you took in high school. This one is much more challenging, since it’s true that if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything. For them, the biggest issue is around health, illness and disease, addictions, weight and/or diet. All the body stuff.
And then there is Money Class, my personal workzone, as is often the case with healers. I am a good person, I pay my taxes, work hard and floss my teeth daily and yet, can’t seem to get to where I want to be financially. This class has your focus on money, career, rent/mortgage and all the practical aspects of supporting yourself comfortably in the world.
My theory is that most people have one of these areas that they struggle with and can’t get right, while the other two areas of life hum along fairly effortlessly.
For example, I enjoy excellent health with and have amazing relationships in my life. I am happily married and my family life is crazy good, even with four teenagers. Everyone gets along and they are all great kids. And it’s not that those things don’t take effort, it’s just that I LIKE to do the work that it takes to maintain that stuff, so it’s “easy” for me, even though I work hard at it.
I do eat very well and work out everyday. I don’t mind, since I enjoy it. Therefore I have excellent health. And I love being with my kids and so I spend a ton of quality time with them. But, it’s genuinely fun for me to do that. So in a way, those areas of my life aren’t really effortless, it’s just that I enjoy putting the effort in, so it all goes well.
For me, relationships and health are good. Money is always a challenge.
Is it karma? Is it dogma? Did my karma run over my dogma? I don’t know. I just know that is where my work is. I tend to think about this as the area of life that I am still taking classes in, a work in progress. I am still learning and growing, still evolving. Maybe I was wounded around money in some past life. Maybe I just haven’t taken that class yet, since I was busy in detention. I always did tend to skip math class…
This way of looking at the world as classes you are still taking, really levels the playing field and helps me grapple with envy and jealousy. Suddenly I don’t feel so stupid, even though I am pretty sure I am in Remedial Money Class. It’s not ’cause I am bad or defective. I am just learning. Phew!
I used to be very envious of people that have the money thing down with no obvious effort. I compared myself unfavorably to those that have already passed the Money Class with flying colors, they have that money stuff so “easily” but are still sticking their gum under the desk in Relationship Class. We all can’t be good at everything, right?
You are really screwed if you have trouble in two areas, and yet I think we all go through times like that. Or there is the dreaded Total Life Crash and Burn. We all get one or two of these slate wiping, life detonating joyrides. Just clears the decks, and builds character, I say.
I am not sure anyone really has all three classes mastered. Maybe some people do and no doubt they are here to inspire the rest of us. But in my observation, even people who seem like they “have it all” when they have a breakdown it will be in one of those areas.
I find my Life is Just a Big Class theory a relief actually, since I can honestly say that it is not about worthiness or intelligence at all. Really smart, with it, GOOD people have these problems no matter what class they are in. This helps me feel less like an idiot and more like a student.
And you can let yourself off the hook too. It’s ok, you are good at other things. One of the most liberating aspects of my theory is that it helps with projection. We all project on each other like crazy. Other people look pretty good from the outside. We project a story about how great they are or what they have that we don’t and it’s just not true. We do this with celebrities all the time, but actually we do it with each other too.
You will be a lot happier if you stop doing this, if you stop making yourself wrong and bad for a having an area of life that you are working on. And if you stop thinking other people are better than you just because they are in a different class then you.
I find some confirmation in my pet theory when I look at people’s past lives. Past lives, when I see them, roll out sort of like a tapestry. I see themes and patterns that repeat over and over again. In our sequence of life times we get many ways to work on these recurring themes, each life time an iteration of the same gnarly problem.
The converse is also true, so that things you really master in a past life carry over onto the next lives. So whatever class you passed with flying colors in a past life you get Cosmic Brownie Points for now. These are your natural aptitudes, things that come so easily for you that you don’t really learn them – it’s more like remembering them. We all have them, thank goodness…
We all get so down on ourselves when something is not going right. We judge ourselves and envy others who seemingly have what we don’t. We feel like total failures in those areas where we are really just students. And it’s important to remember that it’s really painful to be learning in these classrooms. It’s not easy, but it is rich and very good work.
So cut yourself some slack, whichever class you are currently enrolled in right now, and remember that you are good at other things.
Ta Da! And that is Lisa’s Theory of the Classrooms of Life.
