I like sex. I like sex a lot. Honestly, I think it’s one of the only reasons I keep coming back to this crazy Earth School. It’s the best perk in having a body, right? Our bodies are pretty high maintenance, but we do get back some reward in the sex department. Sex for me is right up there with chocolate and espresso. In fact I am still trying to think of a way to combine all those things at once, but I am pretty sure I would blow a fuse if I did. SNAP!
I am really not sure what all the negative fuss is about. I grew up in a very liberal household and somehow missed much of the repression that my pals endured. My liberal, hippy parents took us to nude beaches when we were kids, so I missed the normal shaming that many people got around their bodies. I spent a lot of time in Japan, where they think an orgasm a day is the key to good health. And then lived in Europe, home of topless beaches and the “continental marriage.”
I have been very adventurous in my own explorations and have quite frankly enjoyed every minute. (What happens at UMASS, stays at UMASS….) In my crowd of friends, it was hip to be bisexual. I think it just doubled your chances for a date on Saturday night. I always thought that sexual preferences was more on a continuum then opposite poles. Hetero, gay, it’s not always a straight answer, if you’ll excuse the pun. One of my friends says he is tri-sexual since he’ll try anything, which I am quite convinced is true. Haha.
I truly felt sorry for my friends who grew up in more repressed environments since I believe that repression of normal healthy sexual energy is really not good for the soul. Repression of this basic need causes all kinds of kinks and wrinkles in society and makes people just plain cranky.
What is the big deal? We all need pleasure. We all need connection, touch, intimacy and holding. Scientists have proven that having an orgasm is good for your brain chemistry. Better then Prozac. God made sex, right? So how can it be bad? You know what the Goddess says about sex. “All acts of love and pleasure are my ritual.” And that right there folks, is why it’s more fun to be pagan.
The Pleasure Chakra
It’s a good thing I like sex, since I have been rolling around in second chakra juice since late September. That doesn’t sound very sanitary, I know, but second chakra is the WATER chakra, so it’s pretty juicy down there. And by some complete coincidence, I am sure, we have been a non-stop second chakra fest at the school. Here is the drill on the Down There Chakra. It rules:
- Pleasure and pain
- Movement and flow
- Desire and need
- Sensuality and sexuality
In other words, it’s the party chakra! The problem arises when we are told that we are very naughty for trying to meet our own pleasure needs. Someone slaps your hand when you are small and tells you are a BAD for touching yourself DOWN THERE. Eeek! Pleasure and meeting our own bio-needs is bad? Bad is not good. And that is the birth of GUILT, which is the primary wound in the second chakra.
Guilt, the Pleasure Killer
When the guilt machinery really gets wound up, we waste a lot of time and energy feeling bad about stuff that is really quite normal. Now there is such a thing as “healthy guilt” which is when we feel bad because we genuinely did something rotten. But most of us are really bogged down by unnecessary guilt. I truly wonder where the idea that masturbation is wrong came from. What killjoy came up with that crazy idea? I bet who ever it was a very ill tempered and cantankerous person indeed. In fact some good healthy masturbation is a fine way to explore your own sexuality and find out who you are and what you like. It gives a whole new and delightful meaning to loving yourself.
All this repression from our tightly clenched, puritan culture causes some real problems. Sex addictions, sex aversions and sex abuse all stem from the backbone of the guilt based repression. Of course the real shame here is that we do a lot of harm to ourselves and others with our sexuality, but mostly because of repression based issues. When we don’t fully own our sexuality it gets all distorted and funky. Then is leaks out sideways and causes all kinds of problems.
The Big Disconnect
I feel a little sad about how disconnected sex seems these days. The “hook up” culture and things like porn foster an attitude of objectification. I have four kids all going through puberty at once (Now THAT is a PARTY! Woohoo!) and if I had a magic wand, I would have them learn, not only reproductive biology, but also how to handle the feelings that we have with our sex. No one told me there was going to be crazy shit like FEELINGS and LOVE. Yikes! I was totally unprepared for that and still am, maybe. It is an interesting part of the journey that as I get older, sex becomes less about getting off and more about connecting and intimacy.
I wish young people these days would learn about LOVE, RESPECT and REVERENCE. I wish they revere each other and not use and objectify themselves and each other. And that they would see the enormous healing and transformative aspects of sex. When we live in the distortion of sexuality, it really does make sex profane where it is should be profound.
Sacred Sexuality
The pleasure aspect of sex is great, but what really interests me, is the sacredness of sexuality. In the lower self, we love sex in the physical realm and crave its physicality. The urge to merge in the lower self (Insert Tab A into Slot B) represents a much more universal and powerful desire to merge with the divine. In those pure moments of sexual ecstasy, we see the divine in our beloved and we get to reunite with that universal energy. That merging with the divine beloved is really what we are seeking not only through sex, but also through all of our mundane relationships too.
Remember that next time you are in the checkout lane and the nasty checkout chick pisses you off. Look her in the eye and remember that somewhere she offers you an opportunity to merge with divine energies. Once you conquer the lower self urge to leap over the counter and dope smack her, you can open up to the divine in her and shower her with the ecstatic energy of divine love. Yeah. That. I do that all the time! Yeah.
Even though I frequently fall off the merge with the God/goddess in everyone wagon, I am convinced that when I get back up to the Godhead, it will probably feel like a giant orgasm. And that is what keeps me trucking along down here.
Our souls are really hermaphroditic. They are neither male nor female, but have elements of both. When we get down here on Earth, we have to make a choice (more or less) and so we choose a mostly male or female body. And then we seek the “other half” of ourselves in the opposite pole. (Even same sex partners tend to fall on one side of the gender polarity scale, since that opposition is what causes attraction in the first place.)
When people join together in intercourse, it actually recreates the same energy circuitry that we have back in soul world. It is the closest we can get here on Earth to our original, divine state. Which is why we say, “Oh God! Oh God!”
How Sex Created the Universe
Here is the Goddess version of the creation myth.
First there was the GODDESS. She is the un-manifest, the void, the empty womb, the dark primordial sea from which all life comes. In a moment of curiosity, she wanted to know herself, so she used a thought to impregnate herself. Out her womb sprang the GOD in all his glory and he loved her. As they embraced, she could see herself reflected in his eyes. His strong arms held her as she trembled through her cycle of desire, sex, orgasm, birth, life, death, desire, sex, orgasm, birth, life, death. He is steady, strong and holds her so she knows who she is. And then he looks into her eyes and knows himself too. When she has an orgasm, the worlds stream out from her vagina and the universe is born.
Which gives a whole new meaning to the Big Bang Theory. HELLO!
There is another part of this story that is interesting too. Once, the God tried to reach that state without the Goddess and he masturbated. The seeds of his sperm that fell to the ground with unmet need became the demon races.
Woopsie!
So maybe that is why masturbation is not a good idea, at least if you are a god! Who knows, really. The point here is that generative forces of the universe are orgasmic. That means that the force that creates all life, all new things, all new ideas, planets, species etc all come from the same ecstatic wave of an orgasm. Pretty cool, huh?
That means when you shut down your sexuality, you shut down your own life force and creative energy. It’s like there is a big tap down there and when it’s unconsciously off and that energy is repressed, you lose your connection to the magical forces of creation.
Making Love VS Having Sex
Opening those channels and using them consciously to find our merge with the divine is the root of sacred sexuality. Sexuality can be an amazing tool for spiritual growth. We have an opportunity to use our sexual energy to open our chakras, channel that kundalini energy up the spine and grow into more and more intimacy with our partners. If you want to try a very simple (but very hard) way to do this, try making love with your partner with the lights on and your eyes open all the time, even as you climax.
Many people are still very disconnected sexually. They circulate energy around the second chakra and then it comes out though an orgasm. That is just plain old sex. If you want to MAKE LOVE, you have to open your heart and bring the energy up your spine to your heart. When your eyes are open and your heart is open, you are making love instead of having sex. I am sure you know the difference!
It’s also possible to keep the energy running up the spine through your crown and that is the point of Tantra. It can create deep sensations and feelings of that merging with the divine, where you making love to yourself, your partner, the universe and God too. And that is the real point of sex, besides making a baby or two here and there.
Pretty cool stuff! So get out there and practice a lot! Wow, there is still so much more to say about sex, I might have to write another blog. I never did get to my sexual factoids, funny stories about sex I have heard lately, full body orgasm, female ejaculation, my pole dancing lesson and the merits of choosing abstinence. (Seriously!) So get ready for Sexplorations Part II!
