sand castle

This time of year

When everyone is setting resolutions and goals for themselves for the new year, I always have a little internal debate over my will versus God’s will.

I can set goals with the best of them and I am pretty good at achieving them too. The problem is that most of the time it’s from my ego self, my personal self or the darn inner critic and those goals are very ego based. It so often comes down to comparing myself to others and using external yardsticks to measure whether I am ok or not.

How is my body looking? (God forbid it looks like I am actually aging… egads.)

What’s in my bank account? Is it enough to make me feel safe? Is any amount of money enough to make us feel safe in this crazy world?

Is my “success” obvious and measurable and enough- for me and for everyone else?

Our poor ego selves need so much fluffing up and bolstering to feel ok, don’t they? I am going to keep on loving and accepting that part of me anyways just to see what happens.

This year all those goals feel a lot like trying shovel sand to stop the tide.

This year, I am more in a state of surrender since trying to arm wrestle reality into the submission is exhausting and frankly rather fruitless.

What would happen if I dropped what feels like a never ending battle and surrendered into divine will?

I know my soul self always aims higher and truer than my personal self does. It’s a very different stance to take in the world, to be surrendered, it’s very peaceful. It feels more like the force is moving through me, directing me to action or stillness, like I am being moved rather than doing the moving.

I think instead of shoveling sand against the tide, I am going to build sand castles.

Is my “success” obvious and measurable and enough- for me and for everyone else?