If I was ever feeling emotionally reactive, my friend and spiritual mentor Sharon Wilsie would remind me that- “The answer is your inner child.” The more inner work I do with myself and others, the truer this is.
When we are in inner turmoil or anxiety, we need to look inward for the source of the kerfuffle. The young parts of ourselves hold unprocessed pain and trauma and they need our help. We get stuck in the quagmire of the past, frozen there until we release the feelings and forgive.
Eventually we need to unplug from the past and be in the NOW. We can bring our little inner moppets into the present by radically approving of ourselves in all our glory.
And also by remembering to play. You know. Play. That thing you used to do as a kid.
Hopscotch, Barbies, hot wheels, bikes with banana seats. Running through the sprinkler. Flash light tag. Monopoly and Clue. Twister! Riding around the neighborhood in little bike gangs, headed to Woolworths to buy sodas from the vending machine, with our pockets full of quarters- and told to be home when the street lights came on. (That is my childhood…. I know yours is radically different!)
Our Inner Child self needs a few things to thrive. It’s pretty easy stuff, but must be done consistently to make a difference.
We need to acknowledge, honor and validate all our own feelings. “Of course I feel that way! Anyone would!”
We need to tell ourselves that we are special, unique, marvelous and precious, just as we are. With our skinned knees and chocolate stained faces. And now with our crow’s feet, muffin tops and stretch marks. Our brilliant minds and open hearts. Our wisdom, experience and compassion. Perfect, just as a we are.
And then we need to go play. Play whatever way works for you now. Ballroom dancing, gardening, Netflix, Mojitos, back yard BBQ’s, girl’s night out. You know. Your style. Play and play often.
Then do this every day.
Seriously.
Would you take care of a real child once and then be done with it? (Ok, I met your needs for today, you are set for life!)
When we treat ourselves with this kind of loving kindness day in and day out, our past wounds disappear. We finally give ourselves everything we needed as a child that we didn’t get from our well meaning, distracted, loving and clueless parents. Then we have inner peace and emotional freedom.
Loving ourselves this way creates a kind of inner independence and self-mastery that takes the pressure off our partners and friends to be good parents to our inner selves. Our relationships become like dessert at the end of the meal, rather than the main course. It’s better for everyone when your lover is in the role of ice cream sundae rather than meat and potatoes, or brown rice and veggies, if that is your nourishment.
We can choose our lives with a kind of grace and freedom that comes from feeling full and happy inside instead of the unmet needs, emptiness and addictions that drive us without mercy.
It’s so worth the work and attention it takes to love all the abandoned parts of yourself!
